


You take my breath away

by Stennerd



Series: You take my breath away [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Choking, Early In The Relationship, Eddie Has Nightmares, Established Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, but don't know how, less angst more love, the team just want to help, time to jump on the feels train
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-19 09:49:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22108981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stennerd/pseuds/Stennerd
Summary: Eddie has a PTSD induced nightmare. Unfortunately for Buck, he becomes an unintended victim. Now they must work through it when the team makes an unfortunate assumption of the cause of Buck's injury.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Howie "Chimney" Han, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: You take my breath away [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1593862
Comments: 51
Kudos: 457





	1. Nightmare

Buck woke to hands around his throat. He can't breathe. His eyes fly open to find Eddie leaning over him with hands pressing down on his neck. His eyes are dark and unseeing, reliving a memory unknown to anyone but him.

"Eddie..." Buck manages to choke out while struggling to pull at his hands. Eddie doesn't move, still trapped in his memory. Buck reaches for his face in desperation, trying to find some purchase, some way to get Eddie off him. He's starting to panic, his vision is blurring with the lack of oxygen. He needed to get Eddie off him now or he'll be choked to death. In a last-ditch effort, Buck manages to get his legs between him and Eddie and pushed hard at his stomach. It somehow manages to work because one second he can't breathe and Eddie is on top of him and the next, Eddie is on the floor and he can get air in his lungs. 

Buck gasps in lungfuls of air as he throws himself off the bed and let his feet carry him to his bathroom away from Eddie. He locks the door behind him and tries to calm his panicked breaths while leaning against the basin. He can't bring himself to look at his reflection. Not yet.

Still taking in deep breaths, his panic begins to drain out of him and allows the rest of his senses to return. Eddie's soft knocking is the first thing he notices. "Buck, please.." It's only now that Buck lifts his eyes from the sink and takes in his reflection. His eyes are rimmed red and single tear track marks could be seen trailing down his face. It's then that he lets his focus fall to his neck. It's already darkening and you could just make out the impression of fingers on either side. "Buck, I just need to know that you are okay". 

Buck steps towards the door, closes his eyes and leans his forehead against it, taking in a steadying breath before reaching to unlock it. He steps back and opens his eyes as he allows the door to swing open. Eddie is on the other side, tearstained. He stammers "I..I don't know what happened." Eddie's eyes then fall to Buck's throat and he begins panicking even more. "Oh my god Buck, what have I done," he gasps out, stumbling back. Buck hesitates before stepping forward and catching Eddie's hand before pulling him into a bracing hug. Eddie needs him right now.

"Shh it's okay, you had a nightmare, it's not your fault," he whispers into his shoulder. He holds Eddie's shaking body for a few more moments before pulling away, determined to get Eddie's attention. "Eddie. Look at me. It's okay, _I'm okay,_ " He says with a slight rasp to his voice.

It's only now Eddie looks him in the eye with a look of fear that Buck has never seen before. His voice cracks "But you're not okay. _I did this to you._ Buck, I almost _killed_ you." 

"But you didn't" 

"I almost did!”

“ _But you didn’t,_ ” Buck says firmly, a cough escaping him, revealing how badly his throat has been damaged. A flash of panic crosses Eddie's face and he drags Buck over to the bed and forces him to sit down. He begins to inspect Buck’s neck, hesitating, before looking up at Buck, silently asking for permission. Buck gently nods, closing his eyes with a sigh. Eddie turns his attention back to the injury, lightly touching the area with his fingertips. Buck hold still, struggling not to flinch at the touch.

“How bad is it?”

“It’s a little painful to breathe, and it hurts to swallow,” Buck rasps out, his voice now showing signs of the trauma. He reaches up and holds Eddie’s hands still. “Eddie, I’ll be okay. Bruises heal.”

Eddie sighs and starts pacing the bedroom, “How are you so calm about this? How are you still able to be in the same room as me?”

“Because I know you, Eddie. I know that this wasn’t your fault. You had a nightmare. It _happens._ ” He’s interrupted again by a cough, “I still love you, Eddie, this isn’t going to change that.”

Eddie stops pacing at that and sits down next to Buck with his head in his hands. “I don’t know where to go from here.” He whispers.

Buck wraps an arm around Eddie’s shoulders and pulls him in, leaning his head on his shoulder. “Nothing has changed, nothing needs to change,” He glances at the clock on his bedside table and groans. “But we do need to get ready for work.”

Eddie startles at this. He has to pick Christopher for school from his Abuela’s. He starts rummaging around for his things before turning back to Buck. “You really shouldn’t come into work today, call in sick.”

“I’ll be fine. Now you better hurry up before you’re late to get Christopher for school.” He gets up and steps in close to Eddie. “Don’t worry, we’ll get through this,” He says with a smile before gently pressing a kiss to his lips and pushing his towards the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fic, please be kind


	2. I'm Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck goes to work. The team make some discoveries

As soon as the door closes behind Eddie, Buck lets the smile fall from his face. He breathes out a deep sigh as he sits back down at the end of the bed. For a moment he allows himself to process the emotions that are welling up inside his chest.

Worry for Eddie and how he’s feeling; fear at what might have happened if Eddie didn’t wake up in time; pain that he’s feeling in his throat and lungs; and anxiety over how exactly he’s going to cover up his neck at work.

He lightly rubs his neck at that last thought, wincing slightly as he does. He thinks maybe he should send a message to Bobby, asking for some sick leave. He quickly shakes his head and discards that idea, he needs to be there for Eddie. Eddie needs to know that this isn’t affecting him. That it won't affect their relationship.

With that thought in mind, Buck heads to the bathroom, looking for some cream to help with the bruising. He startles when he glances at his reflection. The bruising is already becoming a dark purple. It's going to be near impossible for him to hide this from everyone. The weather is heating up, so he’s not going to be able to cover up with a scarf. He might be able to get away with wearing a hoodie and shorts, at least until he has to change into his uniform which will definitely not be able to fully cover it even if he wears the collared shirt.

Breathing out another sigh, which turns into a cough, Buck opens the medicine cabinet and searches for the bruise cream. Luckily, he still has some leftover from when he was on blood thinners. He applies some now and puts the tube in his bag before turning to his wardrobe in search of his favourite grey hoodie. He finds in buried in the back, probably tossed in there from the last time he wore it.

Now dressed, Buck heads for the kitchen. Not quite feeling up to eating anything that would be too harsh on his throat, he throws together a protein shake that should fill him up as much as breakfast normally would. Checking the time on his phone, he quickens the pace and pours the shake in a travel cup, grabs his work bag and keys before heading out the door.

******

Traffic was surprisingly kind to him, still managing to make it to work with 20 minutes to spare. As he parks, he notes that Eddie hasn’t arrived yet, but he’s usually at work a few minutes before the shift starts anyway, so he’s not worried; yet.

Walking through the station he throws on what he thinks is an easy smile and raises his hand to Bobby in greeting who’s currently leaning against the railing upstairs with a coffee in hand. Bobby returns the greeting with a cheery “Morning Buck!”

Buck shifts the collar of his hoodie up as he continues towards the locker room passing Chimney and Hen, smiling in greeting as he goes. They smile in return before sharing a look.

“Good morning Buck,” Hen says as she falls in step with him. Chim joining him on his other side. He briefly closes his eyes. Buck had hoped that he wouldn’t have to speak just yet and tip them off, but it looks like they know him better than he thought.

“Morning guys,” he replies softly. Hoping that the hoarseness wasn’t obvious. Chim frowns, “What’s up Buckaroo? You’re not usually this quiet in the morning.”

“I’m just tired, didn’t sleep well,” He resists the urge to touch his neck.

“Riiight, well we’ll leave you to get ready then,” They peel off, in the direction of the stairs leading up to the loft.

Buck lets out a held breath and puts his bag into his locker before hesitating and taking off his hoodie. He changes quickly and buttoning his shirt all the way to the top. Somewhat relieved that the collar doesn’t sit too tightly to his neck. Unsure of how much it covers, he heads to the bathroom to check. He softly groans at what the mirror reveals. His collar barely covers the bottom edges of the bruises and you could still clearly see the finger lines.

“Hey Buck, would you like a cup of cof-- Oh my god! What happened to you?!” Buck flinches at the loud voice behind him. He lifts his gaze to meet Bobby’s and quickly turns around.

“Wait! Bobby! It’s not what you think!” he rasps, hand outstretched in alarm. Bobby moves in close and gently inspects his neck. “What exactly should I be thinking? Because it looks to me like someone strangled you!”

“Okay… Well yes, but no.” He says looking away. “It’s not as bad as it looks,”

“...Buck,” he says cautiously, face full of concern.

“Cap! Everything okay? We heard you shout from upstairs.” Chim and Hen come into view, stepping into the locker room. “Jeez, Buck! What the hell?!” gasps Hen.

“I was just asking that myself,” Bobby says drily. Buck is grabbed by the shoulders and directed to sit on the bench. He groans again, this time in exasperation, letting his face fall into his hands “I’m fine, everything is fine. It’s just a little bruising.” His voice sounding more and more hoarse each time he speaks.

“Buck, this is not just a little bruising!”

“I’m _fine,”_ Buck replies with a cough. “I don’t want to talk about it,’

“This isn’t something that we can just ignore! Buck, you’re _hurt!_ Those bruises are strangulation marks! I can clearly see the finger marks! We can’t just leave this alone” Bobby says in exasperation.

Buck glances up at Hen and Chim as Bobby turns his attention to the two paramedics. “Hen, Chim. Give him a once over,” They immediately set to work against Buck’s protests, not helping his cause with his croaky voice “Guys, I’m fine, it's just bruising.”

“Aside from the obvious bruising, hoarse voice and coughing; He does have bruising on the inside of his lips and some petechiae around the eyes. No permanent throat or hyoid damage”

“Buck, Did you blackout?”

“No”

“Any vomiting?”

“No!”

“Okay good,” Hen takes her attention off Buck, “He should be fine, as long as he doesn’t put too much strain on his throat for a while,” She breathes a sigh as she stands up. “You got lucky, kid.”

“Good,” Bobby turns his full attention back to Buck. “Now are you going tell us what happened?”

“No, I-,” Buck's eyes fixate on movement outside the locker room. He quickly gets up and brushes past everyone. “Eddie!” He tries to call out, but his voice barely makes a sound louder than a raspy whisper. Even still, he manages to get Eddie’s attention easily enough. Eddie on his part, stops in his tracks, eyes widening before ducking his head and briskly changes direction and heads upstairs away from them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the next chapter will be Bobby's POV just for some external context 
> 
> After that, I am currently writing chapter 4 which directly follows this one. I could go down one of two paths; The team are surprised but concerned about both Buck and Eddie and let them explain everything. (more fluff)  
> OR  
> The team are surprised but angry on Buck's behalf and give Eddie a bit of a cold shoulder throughout the shift and keep them separated. (more angsty) 
> 
> I'm happy to hear your opinions. I might just write both and turn them into two separate fics if thats what people want


	3. What Bobby Sees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bobby's POV at the fire station

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a lot harder to write than I thought It would be. I hope you like it

Bobby makes it to work 30 minutes early like he usually does and sets about getting the coffee pot ready for everyone’s arrival. Hen and Chimney arrive not long after him and call their greetings before heading to change for the upcoming shift. With the brew now ready, he pours himself a cup before leaning against the loft railing taking in the quiet before work begins.

It’s at this point he catches sight of Buck making his way through the firehouse. The young man waves his hand in greeting with a smile that didn’t seem to reach his eyes. “Morning Buck!” he calls down to him returning the wave, expecting a cheery response back. He doesn’t get one. Bobby frowns slightly when Buck turns towards the locker room without a word.

He continues watching Buck’s slowly moving form as he passes by the two resident paramedics and observes how he hunches over ever so slightly as they fall into step beside him. Bobby’s frown deepens when both Hen and Chim, move along from Buck, barely making any kind of conversation with him before heading upstairs. It’s rare for the three of them not to have some boisterous chatter before their shift starts.

“Hey Cap! Why so serious?’ says Chim as he passes by on his way to the coffee pot, Hen no more than a step behind.

“What’s up with Buck?” he asks.

“Oh, he just said that he’s tired. Apparently didn’t get much sleep last night,” answers Hen, grabbing her favourite mug as she says so.

“I’ve never known that kid to get anything less than 7 hours in the time that he’s been working here,”

“Well, with this new relationship, maybe Eddie is cutting a chunk out of his sleep time,” Hen says mischievously, smiling over her now full mug.

“He did look tired though, a bit pale and red-eyed. Almost as if he’d been crying,” Chim throws in thoughtfully.

Bobby turns towards the stairs, “I think I’ll go down and see if he needs a coffee to get him going.” It only takes a minute for him to make his way downstairs and into the locker room. Buck’s locker was still open, as was the bathroom door adjoining the space. “Hey Buck, would you like a cup of cof-- Oh my god! What happened to you?!”

What he sees is definitely not what he was expecting. From what he can see of Buck’s reflection, his face is pale with redness rimming his eyes. But that wasn’t the cause of alarm. His eyes are immediately drawn to the dark purple bruising sitting above the collar of his uniform.

Buck’s eyes find his, panic settling on his face as he turns to face him hand extended out as if to stop Bobby from coming closer. His voice rasps and grates as he tries to explain. Bobby tries to listen, but all he can think about is the marks on his neck and who could possibly have caused them. How could anyone cause such violence against such a kind and gentle person?

After his first attempt at getting the information from Buck that he so desperately needed, Bobby’s thoughts are distracted by the sound of two sets of feet coming to a halt behind him. It's only after Hen’s exclamation, confirming who it was, was Bobby then able to take some action.

He firmly places his hands on each of Buck’s shoulders and steers him towards the bench seat in the locker room. Bobby takes another evaluating look at Buck as he sits almost defeated with his head in hands as he tries to convince them that nothing is wrong.

“This isn’t something that we can just ignore! Buck, you’re _hurt!_ Those bruises are strangulation marks! I can clearly see the finger marks! We can’t just leave this alone” Bobby says incredulously. He’s surprised and concerned why Buck is steadfast in convincing them that its nothing. This isn’t just some casual bruise that one gets from accidentally running into something. This is intent to harm, and he wonders why Buck seems to be unconcerned by it.

More for his peace of mind than anything else, he turns to Hen and Chim, asking them to give Buck a check-up, even though he knows Buck wouldn’t be here if he knew he was badly hurt. Even still, he breathes a sigh of relief that he didn’t know he was holding as Chim lists off some of the more problematic symptoms that can be associated with asphyxiation; Buck responded to both in the negative.

Despite his now disheveled appearance after running his hands through his hair, Buck does appear more at ease now that everyone has gotten over their initial panic after seeing him like this.

It's only when he starts questioning Buck again, does he pick up on the slight tensing of his body before a flash of relief passes over his face. The young man is up in a flash and quickly brushes past all three of them to call out to Eddie.

Bobby briefly looks at his watch. It's only been 15 minutes since he came downstairs to speak to Buck, but it feels like its been hours. Now, standing behind Buck, he takes in Eddie’s appearance. Eddie looks even more out of sorts than Buck does now. Rumpled clothing, hair uncombed and falling in front of his face. His beard, which he usually keeps as a five o’clock shadow, looked darker, making his skin appear paler. As he walks up between the trucks, his eyes are turned down, red-rimmed and unseeing, at least they were until Buck called out to him. Then a whole new expression is held on his face. Fear. Pure unadulterated fear. Eyes bulge wide as he quickly changes his course and takes the stairs two at a time heading upstairs and away from them.

Buck’s shoulders slump before he slowly turns back around with a look of sadness that he doesn’t often express. All it takes is that look from Buck and Eddie’s reaction to know what happened. He doesn’t understand the how or the why but what he does know is the who.

“It was Eddie!?” He says, almost whisper quiet, “Eddie did this to you?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter directly follows on from chapter 2. Get ready for some Eddie feels.


	4. Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck gets to see Eddie. The team finally have their much-needed talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everyone's kind words of support and I really appreciate your thoughts and opinions for this chapter. Hopefully it conveys what I was picturing in my head as I was writing this. 
> 
> Happy reading

Buck doesn’t move. He can feel, their eyes burning a hole in the back of his head. Reluctantly, he turns back to the team making eye contact with each of them, waiting for them to make the connection. It’s Bobby’s face that smooths out in realisation.

“It was Eddie!?” A confused expression crossing his face before landing on surprise before furrowing his brow, “Eddie did this to you?!” Buck winces at the revelation, knowing that he can’t deny it now.

“-He…did...” He starts slowly before the rest comes out in a rush, “But guys it’s not his fault okay. You need to believe me!” His sentence ends abruptly with a stronger wave of coughs, brought on by his attempt at raising his voice.

Chim looks at the others before he takes a step forward, gripping Buck’s shoulder and giving him support as he coughs. Once it passes, he speaks softly “You need to take it easy Buck. Breathe gently, limited speaking.”

Buck shakes his head, “I’m not going to take it easy until everyone is on the same page about this.” He looks at each of them, reading their faces. Buck knows that they are trying to understand, trying to reserve their judgment. “Now, I know you guys are protective of me especially after this last year. But despite what you might think, this is about _him_ , not me. Okay?”

He sees them all silently nod in agreement before turning on his heels and slowly makes his way to the loft. He finds Eddie sitting at one of the tables as far away from the stairs as he could get. Leaning over with elbows braced on knees and intensely staring at his hands.

It's only when he hears Buck’s footsteps, does he lift his gaze. As soon as he sees Buck, brimming with tears that are threatening to spill, does he attempt to speak. A broken “Buck” escapes his lips before a sob follows. That’s all it takes for Buck, it only takes a few quick strides before he’s standing before Eddie. Buck drops to his knees in front of him and takes his hands in his own.

“I’m here. I’m okay. Remember that.” His words don’t seem to take much effect. If anything, Eddie’s sobs become more rushed, more panicked. He takes a breath, “Eddie, I need you to breathe for me.” In desperation, Buck moves one hand to the side of Eddie’s face, “Eddie, look at me.” He uses the hand to guide Eddie’s face up, he pauses for a second realising that his words aren’t helping. So, he does something else. Buck leans forward and kisses Eddie, gently but with so much love. Eddie stops breathing altogether.

All Buck can hear is silence. He leans back breaking away from the kiss, now searching Eddie’s face. He takes in a gasping breath before his breathing starts to settle, tears still fall but they look as though they’re drying up. He exhales, “Are you back with me?” Eddie nods in response, not quite ready to speak. Buck gently passes his thumb across his cheek, catching some of the stray tears still falling.

Buck smiles softly at Eddie before glancing back over his shoulder. The team are standing by the couches, doing their best not to look directly at them. He turns back to Eddie, “Babe, I know its not the best time, but the team are really worried. They’re worried about the both of us. And we need to talk to them, tell them what happened.”

“Are you sure they’re not angry at me? That you’re not angry at me?” He whispers back.

“I could never be angry at you, especially about something that you can’t control.” Buck purses his lip for a moment before he flashes a reassuring smile up at Eddie, “I’m positive that the others won’t be angry at you either, they just need to understand.” Eddie closes his eyes at that and takes a deep cleansing breath before slowly releasing it. “Okay, I’m ready," determination present in his voice.

Buck stands up and takes Eddie’s hands back in his and pulls him up with him. Releasing one hand and lacing his fingers with the other, he leads them back to the team and takes a seat on the couch. Eddie takes a seat next to him and presses their legs together, just like they always do. The rest of the team hover, before taking a seat facing them.

Bobby is the first to speak. “We’ll take your lead on this.” Buck looks back to Eddie, whose demeanour has completely changed from 2 minutes ago. His face no longer held any tears and his expression almost blank, hiding his emotions. Buck squeezed his hand to get his attention. Eddie turns to him, and with a soft smile, he nods before beginning to speak.

“Before I tell you what happened last night, I need to tell you why it happened.” He exhales before continuing, “I get nightmares. Not often, but they do happen from time to time and as far I can tell, it’s always with a trigger. And every single one of them is from when I was in Afghanistan. Buck already knew this.” Eddie pauses, closing his eyes.

“All I’ve been thinking about this morning was what the trigger could have been,” His brow furrow in frustration, “But I can’t remember, and that’s what scares me the most. Is that there was no trigger. That this was just me.” A single tear falls and Eddie swipes at it angrily. He looks up at the team, taking in their faces. Their looks of worry and confusion have been replaced with expressions of understanding and sympathy.

Buck presses a kiss to Eddie’s temple before breaking the silence with his gravelly voice. “Eddie was staying at my place last night. We were dozing on the couch after dinner with the TV playing in the background. It wasn’t until I decided that it was time we moved to the bed and turned off the TV.” He turns to Eddie at this, “I wasn’t paying attention at the time but there was some kind of war movie playing when I turned it off. You were so out of it, but your subconscious must have recognised the sounds and triggered a memory.”

A look of relief settles on Eddie’s face and he cups Buck’s cheek and holds a finger to his lips. “No more talking for you,” he whispers before turning back to the team, his voice soft “The first thing I remember from last night was waking up with my hands at Buck’s throat. And then in the next second, I’m on the floor and Buck is in the bathroom with the door locked.” He looks back down at his hands which are now in his lap.

He squeezes his eyes shut before continuing, “I could hear his panicked breaths, but I couldn’t do anything about it. I just wanted to make sure he was okay.”

“And then I came out and hugged you and told you it wasn’t your fault. And it's not. You couldn’t have known what was going to happen.” He pulls Eddie to his shoulder, just like he did earlier that morning.

They become quiet after that. Buck looks at Bobby first, trying to figure out what he’s going to say. But before Bobby opens his mouth, Hen beats him to the punch, standing up as she speaks, “Come here, guys.” She reaches out for both of their hands and pulls them up from their seats. “You’ve had a rough night.” She wraps her arms around both of them. Chim is not far behind, coming in on Eddie’s side.

There’s a beat before Buck feels Bobby behind them and joins the group hug. The tension that he didn’t know that he was holding melts away. There’s a whispered “Thank you,” that’s barely heard by the circle. Buck rests his chin on top of Hen’s head, eyes closed, and lets a calming feeling settle over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the next chapter will be fluffy.


	5. Floodgates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bobby comes by to check up on Buck. Buck comes to terms with what happened.

Buck is lying on his bed when he hears knocking at the door.

He’d been at Eddie’s for most of the day after Bobby sent them both home to rest. They stayed on the couch all morning and into the afternoon, just taking comfort from each other. It’s only when it came time for Eddie to go and pick up Christopher, that he started to pull away from Buck. Putting distance between them. Their comfort bubble had burst, and the reality of the morning had set back in. Buck understood, Eddie needed some time to himself. He himself needed to figure out what was going in his head too. And that brings him to now. Lying on his bed staring at the ceiling. He hears the knocking again, he sighs before making his way downstairs.

Bobby was not the person he expected to see on the other side of the door. “Bobby, what are you doing here?” Buck opens the door and steps aside, allowing Bobby to come in. He nods his head in thanks and moves to the kitchen with a shopping bag in hand.

“I brought you soup. Wasn’t sure if your throat would be up to eating anything abrasive,” he says as he pulls out a container of steaming chicken broth. Buck continues to stand by the still-open door for a moment before closing it and joining him in the kitchen. “Have you been home all day?” Bobby asks.

Buck sighs, “I’ve been with Eds most of the day, but he started getting weird a few hours ago, so I left.” He starts moving around the kitchen pulling two bowls out of the top cupboard.

“Bobby. Why are you really here?” Buck asks. Bobby stills, turning his full attention back to Buck, “I came to see if you were alright.”

“I already _told_ you, I’m _fine._ ” He replies, not looking directly at Bobby.

“Want to try that again?” Instead of responding, Buck moves around the kitchen, pulling spoons out of a drawer, “What do you want me to say Bobby,” he says softly.

“I want you to tell me how you’re really doing Buck. Because it's not just Eddie who went through something traumatic today.”

Buck lifts his head at this and meets Bobby’s sympathetic gaze, he opens his mouth, no sound coming out before he says, voice small and broken “Bobby, I’m not okay.” That’s all it takes for the floodgates to open. Tears fall unbidden as he tries to hold himself together. Bobby moves swiftly and envelops Buck in a hug, guiding his head to his shoulder. Holding him much like a parent would hold a child. He whispers into his hair, “Shhh, you’ve been so strong, just let it all out. You’re okay, breathe .” Buck’s arms come up and cling to his back, sobs wracking his body. He leans against Bobby like his life depends on it, and Bobby stands unmoving, holding him upright.

Only when his tears begin to slow does Bobby decide to move them to the couch where they can be more comfortable. Buck begins to regain some of his composure on their way over. He sniffs, wiping away at his eyes as he does so. They sit down, Bobby rests his hands on Buck’s shoulders and takes in the appearance of the young man before him. “Buck, I’m here if you want to talk about it.”

Buck turns his body away and slumps down, allowing his head to tip back and rest on the back of the couch. “I tried to be strong for Eddie. I- I really did. But now that I’ve had time to myself to think, I just don’t know what to do.” He turns his head a faces Bobby, “Every time I close my eyes, I’m back there. Eddie is above me and I can’t breathe.” His voice cracks at the last bit.

Bobby takes his time before responding. Buck watches him as he tries to come up with something to say. “There’s nothing that I can say that will make this easier for you. But, one thing I know for certain is how steadfast you were this morning in protecting Eddie and making us understand.” He places his hand on Buck’s shoulder, “If you were truly afraid of him or hated him for what happened, you wouldn’t have reacted the way that you did. I think that with some time when you are both ready, you’ll be able to work your way through this. Your feelings about this are just as important as his.”

He gives Buck a reassuring pat before heading back to the kitchen. He pours some broth into one bowl and puts in the microwave to warm it back up. Buck rejoins him. They wait in companionable silence as the microwave whirrs before beeping, announcing that its job is done. Bobby pulls it out, adds the spoon and slides it along the bench to Buck. “Eat.”

While Buck sips away at the soup, Bobby replaces the lid on the broth and places the container in the fridge. After doing that he set about washing the dishes that Buck had carelessly left beside the sink in his hurry to get out of the door that morning. By the time Buck finished his broth, Bobby had finished cleaning the kitchen.

Buck sets the bowl down as Bobby comes to stand in from of him, placing his hand on Buck’s shoulders. “Now will you be alright tonight, or would you like me or someone else to come and stay with you.” Buck shakes his head and walks him to the door.

“Don’t worry Bobby, I’ll be okay.” He says smiling.

Bobby pulls Buck into a comforting hug. “I’ll always worry about you kid.”

"Thank you, Bobby," They break apart after a few moments before Bobby heads out, waving a hand in goodbye. “See ya later Bobby,” calls Buck before closing the door and locking it.

He heads back upstairs and brushes his teeth before falling back onto the bed, thinking about everything that he and Bobby talked about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, this one was much harder to write than I thought it would be.   
> The next chapter should be the last. I haven't written it up yet but I know how I want it to go. 
> 
> Thanks for reading xx


	6. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck and Eddie finally have a heart to heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, last chapter. It took me longer than I thought it would but we’ve finally made it to the fluff that I promised.

Eddie can’t sleep. He should be exhausted after everything that happened today, and he is, but he just can’t seem to fall asleep. Every time he tries, all he can see is Buck. Buck and the terrible bruises that he caused with his own two hands.

His phone buzzed on his nightstand. He rolls over and looks at the clock next to his phone. It reads 12.16 am. Who could possibly be messaging him at this hour?

 **Buck** : You awake?

Eddie sighs. _Of course,_ it’s Buck. He puts the phone down and rolls away, intending to ignore it. His phone vibrates again, three more times in quick succession before falling silent. He reaches for it blindly this time, sitting up when he starts reading.

 **Buck:** You’re probably sleeping.

 **Buck:** I should be too.

 **Buck:** But I can’t.

Eddie pauses before typing out a message.

 **Me** : I’m awake.

 **Buck:** Oh shit, did I wake you?

 **Me:** You’re not the only one who can’t sleep.

His phone doesn’t light up for a while after that. Maybe Buck managed to fall asleep after all. It’s almost 20 minutes later when it buzzes again.

 **Buck** : Can...

 **Buck** : Can I come over?

He doesn’t think twice about his answer.

 **Me** : Yes

Eddie gets up from the bed and moves towards the kitchen, checking on Christopher as he passes his room. The boy is sound asleep. Eddie closes the door, hoping he isn’t woken up when Buck gets here.

He continues on to the kitchen, turning on the light as he does so. He opens the fridge and looks inside, peering blankly at the shelves before closing it. He doesn’t even remember what he was going to get from it anyway.

It’s then that he hears a quiet knock at the door. He goes to open it and leaves it open before turning and moving back to the kitchen. He doesn’t know what to do, so he just stands there watching the door and waits. He lets out a pent up breath when he sees Buck. He’s moving slowly, almost hesitantly through the door, softly closing it behind him.

They just stand there looking at each other for the longest time, neither knowing what to say. Eventually, it’s Eddie who breaks the silence first, “I’m so sorry, Buck. I realise I haven’t said it until now, but I have to say it again because I am. I am _so_ sorry.” Tears springing in his eyes unbidden as he looks imploringly at Buck.

Buck takes a few steps forward, stopping just short of the borders of the kitchen. “You don’t need to keep apologising, Eds, I already forgive you. I forgave you the moment I opened that bathroom door.” He steps closer to Eddie, taking hold of his hands, “I didn’t want to come over so soon, thinking that maybe we needed some time to process everything. But then Bobby came over and we talked, and then I cried and so after he left, I came to the conclusion that out of everyone, the only person that I _actually_ wanted to talk to was you.”

Eddie wordlessly takes a step closer to Buck until they’re practically chest to chest and gently wraps his arms around him. Buck’s arms automatically reach around him, pulling him in closer and tucking his head to his shoulder. They stay like that for a while, just taking in the comfort of each other.

It’s Buck who makes the first move. He steps away lacing his fingers with Eddie’s, before leading him to the bedroom. “I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep next to you for a while, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t snuggle in bed for a bit before going to sleep.” He says this with a smile before taking off his shoes and making himself comfortable on the bed. Eddie hesitates before following suit lying down facing him. “Take all the time that you need. I’ll follow your lead on what you feel comfortable with.”

Buck looks as though he wants to say something else, Eddie waits until he's ready. “I think we should go to therapy. Separately, but also as a couple. I feel like it will do us some good.”

Eddie leans over and kisses the corner of his mouth before resting his head on Buck’s chest and placing his hand on his stomach, “I like that plan.”

They lie like that in companionable silence before Eddie makes a small sound, “You said you love me,” he whispers. “Huh?” Eddie lifts his head looking up at Buck who is peering down at him, “Just after it happened, you said you still loved me and that what happened wasn’t going to change that.” Buck groans, letting his head fall back on the pillow, “Oh my god! I did, didn’t I? Not exactly how I wanted to say it for the first time.”

Eddie settles his head back on Buck’s chest with a chuckle, “That’s okay because I love you too.” Buck presses a kiss on the top of his head in response and wraps him in a hug.

They’re not okay, not yet, but with some time and a lot of therapy, they will be.

~ Fin ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who has been following along with this fic. I greatly appreciate all the kind words and the warm welcome to the fandom. 
> 
> For those of you who were interested in the even more angsty path that I was considering earlier on, watch this space, I’ve already gotten started on it 😉. 
> 
> Thanks for reading xx

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, please be kind


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